The Beginning

Dear Sakshi,

                   Its been a busy phase for me and much have transpired during these days. First and foremost I began to truly understand the true beauty of music in its entirety. Through friends and family, the importance of having a dream was instilled in me, so strongly that , every waking moment of my life was enveloped by this strong desire to earn my true love of life back. Music and dance though an integral part of my life was never so much of a priority. I was never confident of my abilities, about being able to prove something , anything. My initial years in music and dance were blissful but I was but a child enthralled at the vibrant hues and charming tapestries of elegance and cultural richness. Did I understand the significance of it all then? NO! I was comfortable in my bubble and then the bubble emerged as this stone walled fort of a safe haven. Pursuing challenges, venturing out of your comfort zone, trying new things, seeking friendships, letting go, enjoying the little things, setting higher standards, understanding your abilities, your strengths and weaknesses, learning to accept and acknowledge yourself and your talents all were the small beginnings. Life changed in a huge way and to a large indispensable extent friends and family were responsible, my four year old and his loving father was responsible, :-) my loving Gurus were responsible... for the awareness, for the self confidence and for giving me wings and for making me believe in myself. Success is definitely not about the fame or the money that you may or may not make, its about the life changing influences, the soul awakening experiences and the bliss of understanding your spiritual self in a way like no other. The journey for me begins now I guess, and I will be documenting my progress, my setbacks, my creative journey and a lot more with all of you henceforth. I don't really know who all fit into the category of "ALL" . But nevertheless I have to admit with all sincerity and happiness that life has become much more easier, and more spiritual. "You need to compete with only yourself" - and what a thought that is indeed!!! . It is true that you don't live to impress the other half. and it is so important that you need to work at it every single day to work harder, with a lot of strong will and undeterred focus. When all of this falls in place , you realize that there is this innate peace within you and that nothing negative can ever hurt you again, neither unwanted drama nor senseless issues. 

                     I think its very important to be involved in anything creative, from an early age itself and that contributes immensely towards nurturing your sensibilities and molding a better you in the long run. That's when you really understand how important it is,, that world over kids be given the opportunity to learn in a peaceful loving environment. Where art combines with education there arises an inbuilt sense of security and empathy , the lack of which is what that turns a child into a monster later on. No one is born a devil; kids are brought unto this world with all the innocence and goodness that they are destined for. But it is the people around them, the society and the living conditions of an economy that tear apart a child's dreams and strangle it in its very infancy. But that's when you realize that having been blessed with a loving environment and a fair opportunity to experience life in a secure realm, it is time to return the due to life itself. It's ok if I fail while trying, its ok if I falter, but I will move on, keep trying and smile all the way to the finish line. This one is for you God for giving me this life, for giving me amazing family, friends and so much of positive people around me, for loving me and lifting me up, for letting me know that nothing lasts forever...With lots of love and joy, this one is for you God!!! :-)

                 

Dear Sakshi,
   Life is always about the bigger picture, the small moments that add up to these humungous experiences for a lifetime. Its not just about you and whats immediately around you, its also about the place you live in, the society you are a part of and the issues that truly influence you and matter the most. But sometimes , just sometimes you feel you are caught up in a whirlwind, in a tornado of events. Eventually you may find the eye of the storm, for relative calmness, but that's like ages away and not always easily accessible. Its been a while since I penned down my thoughts, but again time is a rarity these days...:) I have finally realized that I am a hypocrite and probably sporting a split personality  and with that came the insufferable silence within me...How did I know? Good Question!!! I was just thinking of this past one month, about the people I met, my work, my friends and family and whoa!!! Half the time I was pretending to be this someone else, am I making sense? Never mind, its like I am dealing with stuff I really dont like but then I pretend to like it and then I know that being honest in your opinions is probably the best thing to do, but I kept quiet coz' my being forthright was only gonna make it worse, something inside me said "Can it!" . Okay! I did for a while, but the itch to be totally frank has been bugging me for quite some time now. Wonder if that happens with all of you once in a while at least. So the conclusion is that I am being hypocritical by choice and that gives me the creeps to be honest! God! see its always ur call at the end of the day, to be,to do , or to say whatever you deem right. Letting others define what's right for you is the biggest mistake ever. Life is just so  short, so lapping up the charm ,the mystery and the adventure that comes along is also very important. Being young or being physically independent is only for a short while . We are going to get old, cranky, with aches and pains and what not! But at the end of it we can avoid the frustration, the regrets, and the pain that comes with age and years of not doing what you really wanted. Everyone is quick to judge another person. What doesn't agree with you is immediately labelled as a sin or as the worst form of character ever. Why! Just like you they too have the right to live life the way they want , so lay off really!!! I am sure the next generation of kids including my lil' guy is gonna be very clear about their lives, doing what they really want in life, without bothering about who's doing what around them. You see a lot of people leading double lives, cheating their own souls, staying on in unhappiness ,of their own accord or else pretending life is this rosy pink fairy tale! is it? Nah! Its a bunch of lies. But one should be able to find a little bit of you, your soul with the moments spend with others, for them. The moment you find that the "U" is missing in the "WE" and "US" then I guess Congratulations!!! you have entered the zone of Nowhere Land where all you can do is pretend to be that someone else. Once in a while you should, I guess  , step back and view your own life as an outsider and trust me on various levels that totally freaks you out! LoL! To each his own right? :) Well ok so what next, am a hypocritical diagnosed with split personality...is there a solution? Of course there is, just go out and be who you are, live life like you have just  a year left to live...:) It sounds nice, but I don't know how far reasonably practical that is...If not then continue to be your own shadow coz' it hurts no one else except yourself and then again if you have already lost the "you" in the bigger picture, it doesn't really matter...Welcome to Zombie Land!!! Whew! Even now I really can't say what I feel, coz I just can't that's all... Of course I can say, I really don't have a choice, even when that tiny lil' voice at the back of my head whispers in fierce denial,"Of course you always have a choice and its urs to make" For now, that tiny voice has gone into mute mode, it does get irritating after a certain point...Apologies my feisty lil' friend in my head, so long for now!!! Adios!

Dear Sakshi,
        A year has flown by and it was one hell of a year indeed...So much have have passed by, events, memories, people, success, disappointments, friendships, family, pain, love, loss all of it. In fact I think every year we all have our share of ups and downs, but if you notice and look closely, you will see that each year has a distinct pattern to it. The ups and downs, the joy and euphoria, the depression and anger have all ruled the roost this year as well and peace and calm being rare visitors as well...I have had some amazing experiences this past year, both gifting me happiness as well as sorrow. Some rare insights into my own life, about what actually I should become, what I need to focus on in the coming year, whom to be friends with, whom to break off ties with...I met so many new faces this year, some pleasantly surprising me with their goodness, some who chose to make no impact and others who once were good friends...I had to take a walk down memory lane many a time, but that was a learning experience too. The strangest thing is that over the course of years the people we meet and mingle with may change in terms of their priority in our lives, Each encounter with a new person is definitely for a reason I believe, once in a while God gives us this opportunity in our lives to reconsider certain aspects, to see life in a new light, to revamp and rejuvenate ourselves. Such encounters with people, be it a friend or a foe is engineered by Him so that we are helped along our way to choose correctly in our lives. For all those who don't believe such an energy exists will move on absorbing life as it is, the usual the mundane...At the close of this year I want to think about all those people good and bad who have made an effort to be in my life...Its my thank you to each and every one of you. Professionally and personally it has been a rewarding year. Most importantly I have learned to respect and love myself more, I mean you really really need to do that in life. I have understood certain things can't be changed and that its OK to let them be. :-) Also that you never need to feel guilty about living the life the way you want and also to be mature enough to accept and understand your mistakes. Yes..I raved and screamed, lost my temper at all those who chose to shake up my convictions, bu then I realized that they were right!!! Ultimately they were right all along...It does make you feel like a fool, but that's ok too. Its about finding your way out of the jungle that life is, its about accepting that maybe you need to change, to be bolder , to stand up for yourself. I am blessed I have people in my life who rather than pampering me , believe that I need to be woken up from my thoughts once in a while so that I realize that its time, finally!!! Yes you all have made me cry, made me felt worthless, but then I thought why did you all even bother, if you didn't care. So what did I do? I went back all the way back to those bristling words, criticisms, reprimands, words of kind advice as well...a whole room full of them...Ouch! It was difficult , it wasn't easy but it eventually became easier...It was like walking amongst so many words and emotions all so full of love and care, I actually felt pampered. I sat down in the middle of that room and looked around, the faces, the smiles, the tears , the anger and the laughter all floating around me. In all of that I saw myself too mirrored in theirs...it was magical. I felt I had journeyed into the heart of my soul, where all of you reside...:-) The exhilaration was inexplicable...I felt alive after a looong time...:-) It was at that moment I really believed in the quote , that each person comes into your life for a reason, accept that and move on, and you will see that life becomes this beautiful poem that though imperfect in its style, definitely portrays the most perfect aspect of life as a whole.
                                  This year has been great in terms of new life enriching experiences and hope the year ahead helps me keep up to my aspirations as well as make those who genuinely care proud of me. Sometimes you believe you are destined for something , but sometime along the way you realize that the dream you first saw as a child, probably was the one that actually did matter, which was what was meant to be. Hope the coming year is a blessed one for all those amazing people in my life, coz' without them I wonder if I could have traveled so much ahead in life. It is with a sense of purpose and renewed vigor that I move ahead and having the strength of such good souls, I am convinced I can, I will and I shall....:-) Wishing everyone a wonderful 2014 ringing in new found joy and ringing out all the negativity in your lives. God Bless!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbyA8DiAGx8

Dear Sakshi,
         
 https://soundcloud.com/sajna-vinish/jamming-session-sajna-and 
                  There are times in life when you really doubt yourself, your abilities, your journey and route in life...Its OK to falter, really...it might be actually better than trying to remain strong for too long and finally breaking down. We are all humans, after all, just humans. Either we give too much importance to ourselves or to things that happen around us...:-) I do too, quite unnecessarily breaking my head over it, as my friends would put it...Of course friends...aren't they the best possible support groups we all have ever had :-). Even if its one friends that you have, as long as you have genuine friendship , a lot of our insecurities , vulnerabilities all cease to exist...From day one I guess all of us are judged , as infants, toddlers, children, teens, adults...it never ends. We are judged by anyone and everyone. You can't blame all of them, some do that out of sheer habit, others out of their love and care , yet others spitefully. Some things don't change, irrespective of caste, creed or nationality, people will exhibit the usual psychological attitudes, behavior and react forthwith...We adjust, try to get better, or tone down , try to aim high, be successful, overcome odds in life and end up a tired distraught human being by the end of your life...Self pity is definitely not the antidote to any such issues in life...We struggle with our identity crisis, our depressions, our worries for the future, our finances, education, family stability...What the hell!!! So...then...its OK, cry once in a while, openly freely...Don't bother about who's looking , just cry, let it all out. confide in a friend, pray with all your heart, take a break, listen to some good music, go shopping...:-) But just don't sleep it out...ever...Just don't let it swallow you...You would be surprised  at the response your whole system gives you. Too much of being a strong, immovable, cold person can do harm, a lot of harm. Don't be bothered about people think, you like the idea, you believe in it, you are not hurting anyone in the process...go ahead!!! of course, just don't wait around for people to show you the green flag..Trust me...a lot of people out there don't like you or they pretend to like you, and they really don't care...so why should you...:-) I know quite a lot of people who govern their life's decision on the basis of what their neighbors would perceive...Think about that!!! How futile is that? Everyone have their own problems, the whole works...Some are fighting cancer, others HIV, yet others are dying, some are starving, others are abused, and the world goes on. So the next time you are depressed, feeling vulnerable , alone, and just stark mad...its OK ...its normal folks...let the feeling creep in...but don't let it stay...:-) Live your own life, don't let others govern it, you can always take suggestions, advice from people older than you, coz' yes you are yet to walk their paths. But just don't overdo it. Its difficult to understand who is sincere or is just faking it...At your workplace, at school/college, at your hangouts...everywhere there are bound to be people who pretend..Its good to be strong , but once in a while its good to let go of your feelings, clean the slate, pack up all the positive vibes and off you start your journey of life, all rejuvenated and refreshed to face the world....
"As you live Deeper in the Heart, the Mirror gets clearer and cleaner." - RUMI

 

Dear Sakshi,
    Another year, another month, a week ,a day has passed by...The country is in turmoil over a zillion things, there is absolutely no safety or security for the growing generation, children are brutalized, slaughtered, women and children are sold, population dying of hunger, lack of basic amenities or sanitation, death trap roads and every possible scam or scandal one can conceive or perceive of...So where is the rainbow, where is the silver lining...There is still hope and that lies within each of us...We all are comfortable in our homes, with our lives...we discuss cinema, sports, gossips, scandals and daily news along with our daily dose of spice and tea. Life goes on for everybody , everywhere. If you so much as speak about all this you are termed as a crazed philosophy loving species...Ok , so we are all busy with our lives, relationships Children are brought up, competitions won, scholarships secured, laurels gained. Festivals are celebrated and religions are understood and learned. All of us caught in the web of life, unable to come out of it. The genuine energy infused lives have almost vanished. but you do come across some really beautiful people, amazing families, enterprising industries and evolving independent nations all having been built from scratch.
                         Each person, each of us are bogged down by our own worries, thoughts all enveloping our lives daily. We have learned to adjust, adapt and live through it all...:-) Of course we aren't humans for nothing, are we? So have you felt like going right up to the seashore, right when the sun is setting, to look upon the beautiful hues of the sky, as if it were blushing...A plethora of emotions flickering across the sky, the wind caressing you, your hair enveloping you in a loving embrace...Have you felt that lately..? Ok , how about watching a waterfall, the water tumbling down, spraying at you playfully, the white sheets of foam and water cascading down in tumultuous joy, telling you to celebrate life , the deafening sound and the silence within...close your eyes and you will hear it the silence ensconced within...whispering you to come forward, to feel the cool cool waters...Have you felt that? 
The sight of rows and rows of sunflowers around you, all around you, dancing away, smiling at you, looking at the sun, embracing your sorrows and letting it go astray, with the winds...the sunshine and the vibrant aroma of life around you...How about this? have you felt or seen this before..?
Have you ever sat looking at the stars, if you look closely you will see them coming together to celebrate, rejoice the love and life that we so miss to notice in our daily lives...You should sit quietly and you will hear the music of the leaves around you, the night sounds and the stars shining bright despite the moon shining even brighter. the occasional shooting star, the twinkle, the chirp of the night birds, a night that is awake with the sounds of life...
Have you ever gone to a beautiful village surrounded by paddy, vegetation, simplicity and lots of love...the butterflies there are really friendly, give your hand and beautiful butterflies pay you a visit, right on your fingers, looking at you with so much trust and love, knowing perfectly you wouldn't hurt it...Don't move look at it and it will perform this amazing lil' dance for you, that will make you laugh...it won't leave you hovering around you, guiding the way, telling you to look around and see the beauty, the pure innocence that still remains....It's then that you truly believe, that maybe hope exists, maybe we will see a better tomorrow, a rainbow, new beginnings...:-)

Once upon a blue moon....

Dear Sakshi,
       Once upon a time there lived a King....lol! Nope am not gonna start telling a story. These days when I tell a story to my son, it takes me back to my own childhood. Life was much more simpler and the innocence of your heart always made you believe that the world was indeed a beautiful place to live in and the worst villains were, the big bad wolf or the wicked witch or the cruel stepmother. Gosh! The naivety was just too sweet and comfortable. Childhood was like a comfortable cushion and once u turn into n adult it becomes either a cold steel chair or a hard wooden bench! Ya ! Occasionally u get the bean bags also..:-) , at least some of us believed in the stories we were told. It took us to a fairyland, there was suspense, action, love, compassion and then everyone and everything whether human or animal lived happily ever after. I remember someone telling me a joke, listen on...Once a mother was feeding her four year old son, and he was incidentally driving her mad at it...so she tried scaring her son with the story of a monster that used to come and take away kids who didn't eat...(ok Nw this is the fun part)...suddenly the son after some ponderous thinking asks his mother whether the monster used to come scare her as well, to which the mother replied, "Only if I refused to eat my food, but I always ate my food". Now with a triumphant smile the boy says, "it's ook Ma if the monster was from during your childhood, it can obviously be of no harm to me since, it would have reached its old age now....and even then you have never seen the monster yourself, how can you be sure such a thing exists...maybe I should find out, then we will know for sure..."
Ha! Nailed and sealed! Moral of the story, don't use the same stories with the kids of this age....Times have changed and so have we and our kids. The world is no longer a pretty place anymore and these tiny tots seem to sense it with their hypersensitive radar systems...So that's that , cut the crap and change the stories and villains, God alone knows what all tactics you need to master to successfully raise your child. The kids are more tech savvy, have increased logical thinking and are to put it simply...more sensible. But then along with all this state of the art personality armaments, the kids these days lack in faith. Doesn't mean you have to be religious, but being spiritual makes u a sensitive and compassionate human being and that my folks should be the mantra of the future. No matter what they know and acquire along the way, having faith, empathy and compassion will make them better human beings. Nowadays parents interact lesser with their kids, the era of the I pads and I pods and Notebooks and Tabs rule the living and dining rooms. Interests vary and emotionally there are a lot of discrepancies in the family and the result is that we have an age of kids who become mechanical, almost like the android phones they own, devoid of sincerity and the ability to add that extra ingredient called love in their lives . Let's hope for the best and try to mould our little ones hoping they won't retaliate too much, he he...I mean we did rebel during our times and whew! we never thought we would be facing all that in due course of time...life's sweet revenge...oh well my kids are also gonna have kids, it's a vicious cycle people! A vicious cycle...;-)

Dear Sakshi,
    After a hiatus of almost seven months am back!!! And it's indeed a fine morning out here, hot and humid with unbearable temperatures, yet tolerable in some way. Life had taken quite a few unexpected turns ,but hey isn't that what life is all about...:-) My lil guy turned three last month and whoa what a funky three that is...lol! And I was thinking maybe once you pass the terrible twos ur safe...nope not at all..the saga of unbridled naughtiness, and complete madness continues. But gosh, how time has flown. Hardly get time these days for anything and I was really really missing penning my thoughts. Started working again and having a couple of things , u can call them pipeline projects waiting for their turn,so it's all back to doing what I love the most. Life never actually brings you what you think you need, it's always something else. But you know what there are people out there, for whom life turns out the way they expect!!! Lucky for them!!! Not even a simple journey turns out the way I want! Ya ! You can say that I don't have many boring moments in life....Maybe it's better this way..life has its way of casting shadows and rainbows , and you learn to accept them both...People hardly seem to understand your predicament. most idiots prefer to walk about with an attitude of having known you all along,or as if they couldn't be better judges of your life. When people start commenting on your life, don't we all get pissed off, except for saints....Well to all those feigning budhas out there , kindly understand that most of them time we do things we do because,we pretty much have a damn good reason for them. Oh but every other person is so busy with your life, to notice this. Sigh! Whom am I trying to convince anyways. It's the cliche story with every other person...Ta da! No miracles in sighting! The world is so choked up with all sorts of weirdos, freaks, jerks and perverts, that at times you wonder how you are gonna raise your child amidst all this.? But again, not everyone can be that bad can they,? Not everyone can be that cruel or inhumane or a jerk even? Gosh there has to be a silver lining out there and it's called hope allied with faith, and that's what's gonna keep us rooted to this earth, that which will take us forward in life...