Saturday, March 22, 2014

Dear Sakshi,
   Life is always about the bigger picture, the small moments that add up to these humungous experiences for a lifetime. Its not just about you and whats immediately around you, its also about the place you live in, the society you are a part of and the issues that truly influence you and matter the most. But sometimes , just sometimes you feel you are caught up in a whirlwind, in a tornado of events. Eventually you may find the eye of the storm, for relative calmness, but that's like ages away and not always easily accessible. Its been a while since I penned down my thoughts, but again time is a rarity these days...:) I have finally realized that I am a hypocrite and probably sporting a split personality  and with that came the insufferable silence within me...How did I know? Good Question!!! I was just thinking of this past one month, about the people I met, my work, my friends and family and whoa!!! Half the time I was pretending to be this someone else, am I making sense? Never mind, its like I am dealing with stuff I really dont like but then I pretend to like it and then I know that being honest in your opinions is probably the best thing to do, but I kept quiet coz' my being forthright was only gonna make it worse, something inside me said "Can it!" . Okay! I did for a while, but the itch to be totally frank has been bugging me for quite some time now. Wonder if that happens with all of you once in a while at least. So the conclusion is that I am being hypocritical by choice and that gives me the creeps to be honest! God! see its always ur call at the end of the day, to be,to do , or to say whatever you deem right. Letting others define what's right for you is the biggest mistake ever. Life is just so  short, so lapping up the charm ,the mystery and the adventure that comes along is also very important. Being young or being physically independent is only for a short while . We are going to get old, cranky, with aches and pains and what not! But at the end of it we can avoid the frustration, the regrets, and the pain that comes with age and years of not doing what you really wanted. Everyone is quick to judge another person. What doesn't agree with you is immediately labelled as a sin or as the worst form of character ever. Why! Just like you they too have the right to live life the way they want , so lay off really!!! I am sure the next generation of kids including my lil' guy is gonna be very clear about their lives, doing what they really want in life, without bothering about who's doing what around them. You see a lot of people leading double lives, cheating their own souls, staying on in unhappiness ,of their own accord or else pretending life is this rosy pink fairy tale! is it? Nah! Its a bunch of lies. But one should be able to find a little bit of you, your soul with the moments spend with others, for them. The moment you find that the "U" is missing in the "WE" and "US" then I guess Congratulations!!! you have entered the zone of Nowhere Land where all you can do is pretend to be that someone else. Once in a while you should, I guess  , step back and view your own life as an outsider and trust me on various levels that totally freaks you out! LoL! To each his own right? :) Well ok so what next, am a hypocritical diagnosed with split there a solution? Of course there is, just go out and be who you are, live life like you have just  a year left to live...:) It sounds nice, but I don't know how far reasonably practical that is...If not then continue to be your own shadow coz' it hurts no one else except yourself and then again if you have already lost the "you" in the bigger picture, it doesn't really matter...Welcome to Zombie Land!!! Whew! Even now I really can't say what I feel, coz I just can't that's all... Of course I can say, I really don't have a choice, even when that tiny lil' voice at the back of my head whispers in fierce denial,"Of course you always have a choice and its urs to make" For now, that tiny voice has gone into mute mode, it does get irritating after a certain point...Apologies my feisty lil' friend in my head, so long for now!!! Adios!

No comments: