Hypocrites!!!

Dear Sakshi,
     Its not easy to live in a world wherein u have to face hypocrites, mostly in our routine lives! not that I myself am a self proclaimed non hypocrite!!! :-) There's a very fine line between hypocrisy and survival hypocrisy...Its kinda confusing...there are times when u really wanna be true and open hearted, but then u realise that its better to be labeled a hypocrite than trying to come across as a perfect individual...We all have had to burden ourselves with social hypocrisy at one point or the other, and yes! it hasn't been a gratifying experience...at the end of it all u feel disappointed with urself! Why should life be sooo complicated...coming to my life its just like everyone else's...:-) very simply put i.e.My policy in life is that at the end of the day u should feel content and at peace with urself....instead of feeling disgusted and frustrated with ourselves. If that's possible then kudos! u are on the road to safe havens!!! meaning maybe ur conscience is not gonna torture u when ur 60 plus in ur life!  I remember one of my older relatives once commenting, that its not our youth that matters, its definitely the old age, coz that's when lifes additions and subtractions truly come to light and the ultimate result shoudn't disappoint u. When I started working in media, I was just a school going teen. Since then I haev evolved as a woman, as an individual and in that process I  have come across quite a few of the above mentioned species (hypooos), and also I have come across people of both negative and positive shades. I have been surprised, frustrated, shocked, angry, sad, disappointed and also happy! So for the coming days I might indulge u guys with some of my behind the camera experiences. In there u will find a true mixture of people and I guess media had been the perfect school for me in life,(though its just been 9 years now, and i know its too early to be introspective) coz I have come across different realms of life, subtle and loud, and together they have painted the canvas of my life a brighter shade.Thereby this one is for all those people who have influenced my life in a positive way and to all those people in the realm of media who taught me as to what not to be....coz sometimes the negatives can bring out more of the positives in u than the actual positives itself...sorry if I sounded boring...but this is what I am, my thoughts and musings...I am no literary expert or a social critic, just a 26 year old woman who likes to think aloud! So with all humility,wait for the next one guyz! :-)...coz therein I will begin at the beginning, like how David Copperfield did...lol! though not that introspective or fine....I luvd David Copperfield!!! It was one classic that first introduced me to hypocrisy,deceit and what not! and how the social world is woven around it, like a spider's web!

Just Scribbling!!!

Dear Sakshi,
      When ur emotionally drained what do u usually do...well...they say to channel ur energy towards positive realms and charge ur low batteries...lol! but it works ok? I know of people who go into a scribbling frenzy just when they feel challenged or when they are in the deepest of melancholy moods...:-) not that i feel the same way...i knw when i wanna write, my fingers literally fly over the keyboard and it doesn't stop unless the flow of thoughts stop....I don't knw if that's the way ur supposed to feel. Another thing I noticed were my spelling mistakes...sorry guys, usually I don't get the time to recheck what I have written. Mostly its a wild chase to pen down my thoughts as fast as possible before the little one wakes up...These days I have to do everything quickly, be it cooking, cleaning or even (sigh!) going to the loo...lol! Seriously!!! coz every nano second matters....right now i keep making trips to his bedroom to see if he is waking up or not...:-))) so blogging is usually last on my list, and if at all I do blog, then I have  to do it fast and no reviews are allowed. The only major plus point being that my typing speed has increased!!!
      I am on a dieting spree which tastefully allows space for my lil' treats as well....But I am gradually on the road to better dress sizes! Immediately after ur delivery, there is this irresistable urge to look good,which usually doesn't happen since u are probably looking like a deflated baloon! Sigh! But a word of advice to my friends who are on the road to motherhood...Don't worry,it will pass...but always concentrate on ur face!!! Don't look sloppy and try as much to look fresh and neat and with a smile on ur face....I knw I knw, even with ur under eye dark circles and mood swings and all u can still feel good, if ur presentable and look good to urself in the mirror, hmmm and maybe a new haido will also give u the instant feel good hormones!!!...There are gonna be a zillion comments thrown at u, oh boy!!! its just amazing how totally insensitive and stupid people can be during thost post preggy times...whew!!! Ur gonna feel the same way, trust me! Initially it was really irritating for me, but then I realised, what the hell, if I feel beautiful then well and good...soon the yapping tongues faltered...:-) So this time Sakshi I dedicate this to  positive thinking, which I terribly lack! So in order to boost positive thinking, I write about positive thinking! ;-) By the way, quite a bit of my friends are nearing their due date....All the best gurlz!!! and I'll be praying for all of u...and remember no matter how much the pain focus on the moment u'll be seeing ur lil' one!!!! So adios until next time, keep smiling folks!!! Time for me to have my London Diary Lite Vanilla Icecream ;-) sigh! God bless the one who created icecreams!!! :-)

The first moment of pure bliss!

Dear Sakshi,
       Unnikuttan is taking his beauty sleep now...so time for me to enter into my small world of thoughts....I have never shared with u guys the very first moments of my motherhood....something i wanted to delve into only when i had the time for it...i mean those were life's most amazing moments despite the pain and all!!! YESSS! The pain was mightmarish, but i still remember the words of my gyn, the anaesthesiologist and the nurses....I was blessed with a gr8 gyn team!!! I remember kicking one of the doctors, lol!!! It was complete mayhem...I went from normal to c-section in a matter of hours!!! I was aware of everything as a blur, but the moment the doc pulled my baby out and said its a boy!!! is the clearest most sharpest moment of my life!!! I obviously cudn't see beyond a green sheet....(not tht i wanted to!) :-) All I was straining for was to hear his cries...coz u know u hear all sorts of labour jists...and everyone talks about the first cry....I remember reading about labour from the point of view of the babyyy...have we ever thought about tht??? Its always our pain, and discomforts....but the baby once it comes out has this major struggle for his first breath...its almost like drowning and being saved at the last min...yes i remember now...it was in reader's digest!!! Since then i was always curious about the baby's first ever cry....the first time he fights with life ever...I cudn't hear it at first,a sharp panic touched my heart, soon after which i heard the doc giving one tight slap! ouch! Hmmm the first slap he gets!!! and yes ths angry young screaming lil' guy was lifted out and shown to me...I saw him! my angel!!! only he wasn't too happy...I could almost hear him say,"What the hell mama!!! I was taking a nap n a comfy corner and just then u had to pull me out! Mothers!!! and Gyns!!! Hmph!" Lol! :-D And then just when i was trying to figure out his tiny tiny eyes and nose...Blackout! Sheesh!!! U know u hardly get seconds to see ur lil one as a whole in a c section...i mean with a bit of consicousness that is....u need to wait quite some time  before u can see him again....Whew!!! I then wondered about my gyn...she has delivered hundreds and hundreds of babies...and each time its a heartening experience...they have the same twinkle in their eye, the satisfaction, and yes though they are tired and do the same drill a zillion times...they don't forget to smile at u....and say,"Conrats its a boy" :-) or girl....:-))
          But then the pain came...oh wow!!! it was one hell of a pain...all my c section friends wud understand what i mean....I was wheeled out hours later...and i remember looking skeptically at my nurse when she said I should be up and walking the next day!!! I was like yup ur kidding!!! :-D What would we have done without such good docs and nurses!!!! So this one I dedicate to the entire team at the Credence Hospital and my gyn Dr Santhamma Mathew...We always talk about our experiences, but I was wondering about how helpless these lil angels are...for them each and every day would have been trying and frustrating for them...Its never possible to fully understand an infant until they start talking, but as a mother u can always sense to a certain accurate extent what they would want....It was sooo tough initially....but then today when he managed to pull himself up on to the sofs by himself.....and gave me a joyful giggle....i knw it means a lot for him!!!! :-)

Hellooo 2011!

Dear Sakshi,

   Gosh I can't believe tht my last post was on july!!! Sorry guyss was terribly busy! Am back in Doha nw and can u imagine??? my lil' angel is gonna turn a year old this March 5th!!! And last year I was writing about his kicks and stunts in my tummy...lol! Well he is doing all that and more now! He crawls pretty fast now, and is trying to walk!!!! His each milestone was met with surprise and pure joy! No matter how irritated or depressed I become,one lil' mischeivious grin of his, can wipe away all my woes if any! I am able to concentrate more on my music and dance nw...yess its very difficult to manage everything, its like walking on the pole in a circus! Whew! But there is a joy within, a feeling of goodness, of being part of a family and of having someone to call ur own to fight with, to cry and laugh with, to yell and scream in frustration and then to feel completely stupid about it....yesss my poor hubby had to bear with all of it! But when I think about it I realise that that's what makes life complete....vinuz had had to bear the brunt of my moods... :-) but he had  always been there as a strong support! Its heartening to see father and son play and fight with each other....they share a special bond and I just like to sit back and watch the scene unfold.... My lil'guy is growing and i can't still grasp the reality of it all!!! Luv the two most amazing men in my life!!!!

Finally my lil' angel and our cosy family :-)

Dear Sakshi,
   My baby poo is napping which gives me some time to pen down my thoughts....gosh missed writing in my blog sooo much...My lil' angel is 4 months now....and ya there are frustrating hair pulling days, but there are absolutely lovely ones as well....He smiles, laughs and says gaga and gu gu now...lol! just rolled over once or twice...he s more interested in sitting up and grabbing everything in sight...It gives me such joy to tap down my thoughts like this...Life is tough yet beautiful...:-) We have our good days and bad days...I am always filled with doubts and a hundred anxieties surfaces when he cries incessantly...how do I know what's wrong??? But I am finally coping with it....Vinuz also helps a loooot!!!! Dunno what I would have done without my wonderful better half...Ya! we have our rows...but at the end of it all we love to cuddle together with our baby unnikuttan and now we feel complete as a couple...Usually u say a couple means two na? but for us we the couple is complete only with our angel....

         We started taking him out in the stroller and he luvs it too.....ya well the first trip ended in a crying tsunami!!! whew!!! I was completely lost and I ended up crying as well...I know! sheesh! that's childish of me, but I feel ur baby brings out the child in u, as u begin to move with him....u too get excited over his toys and giggles....The first time he laughed out loud!! that was yesterday...I wanted to keep hearing it, I felt maybe I should record it....like a thousand rainbows, or maybe like a thousand angels springing forth celebrating his happiness....It was a very emotional moment for both of us...:-) I luv my lil' angel and i guess luv at first sight for a mom is when u see ur hubby and baby together and u know u have been blessed!!! Gosh! enough for today....will write more soon...:-) this one is for my mom and dad as well, whose pains in bringing me up, I now realise and I hope I can do a gud job as well....Thank u God for every tiny drop of happiness and sorrow as well....coz otherwise u wouldn't realise the value of ur life and its people around u...take care all of uuu :-)

When ur life revolves around ur babyyy ;-)

Ten fingers,



Ten toes


He's laughter and teardrops


So small and brand new


And amazingly angelic


He is sent to bless you


He's one special Baby


The best of life's treasure


And will grant and bless you


Many hours of great pleasure.


-- Author Unknown

Dear Sakshi,
    I just loved this quote sooo much tht I cudn't help posting it...:-) Truly each day is an adventure for me and my angel....The latest achievement being that I finally have started bathing my lil' one, its as if ur not a complete mother unless u know how to bathe feed and clean ur baby....the initial vulnerability has passed anywasy....and the fact that i get time at all to write my blog is purely a miracle....I can see him slowly coming awake from his cat nap, lol! My life is like totally dependent on his schedule now...completely without an ounce of exaggeration....whew! I hardly realise the time flying by...everything is a huge blur except my unnikuttan....thts wht I call him at home....he has already got numerous nicknames....but for me he will always be my adorable sweethr8 nnikuttan....ook! I guess I'll be able to write more, he has settled down again off to the land of nod!.....So much has passed by and to think that a few months back this lil' fellow was in my tummy!!! :-) There are times when u feel completely wiped out but then one angelic smile can take away all that tiring moments out of ur life....He is waking up guyz so i'll pen more later....luv ya all!!!!

Raghav...our lil' angel... :-) I'm a mommy!!!!

Dear dear Sakshi,
       Gosh!!!! Its been sooo long, but as u know, its been a tremendous transition for me guys....:-) Finally motherhood has embraced me and u knw what it feels great!!! despite the sleepless nights, and all the crying and screaming.....but now the smiles and laughs and gurgling has started....It feels like heaven, no matter how bugged u are, hw depressed, tired or totally wiped out u are, one look at ur angel's face and ur entire world lights up!!! I hardly knew the days passing by, its now I finally got a breather....whew!!! my lil one is busy exploring his new world, which would give me little time in between, and in those interludes, I will share the most beautiful moments of my life with all my dear dear friends....I keep telling about how I feel as a mom, but what about the feeling of being a dad!!! thts even more special u know...Vinu was just ecstatic!!! and it has made our bond of love stronger and deeper...:-) This lil' angel arrived on march 5th 2010, bringing a special sort of love into our lives....I can't explain nor can I ever ever convey my feelings to the letter....I just know that this is one happiness that God bestows on u, but its a huge responsibility as well...I wonder if I'll be a perfect mom, but i'll try to be a mom that he loves....So later guyz, my angel just halloooowed for me....take care all of u....:-)

12 Dayz more....

Dear Sakshi,
     Imagine!!! just 12 dayz more and for all u know I am still tapping my fingers on my desk talking to my lil' one and waiting! :-) Sigh! Patience is a virtue isn't it? Well I am fast running out of stock of what little patience I already had...These days comfiness is a faraway dream, but anticipation is sky high....and u know something, these days I have started to form a wicked habit of suddenly ringing up my relatives and friends....whts wicked about it? :-)) ;-)  Well...most of the time they think I would have gone into labour and by giving them sudden calls I scare the living daylights out of them lol! Ok ok I knw thts not a nice thing to do, but ahem!!! I felt like a kiddo all over again, gosh! I was such a prankster as a baby and as a kid! ahem,my hubby still thinks I act like a 4 year old kid, at times ook? :-) Hmm...well what's the harm in feeling like a child all over again, have u ever felt that, haven't u for once wanted to throw away all the rigidity of adulthood and enjoy life as a kid would? Well its not always possible, coz' yes u have certain responsibilities, but hey! dnt ever lose that fun loving child in u...ever....its too precious and by the time u realise that, then its too late as well....Life is too complicated these days, everyone is soo busy and running around trying to make ends meet, make money of course! thts of prime importance nw isn't it? Well it should be, what with all the topsy turviness of the current economy. Yikes!!! I am talking like a lifestyle analyst, help!!!!

This is what happens when u have too much time to urself...:-) So my lil' one is gettin ready to face the big bad world outside and hmm...well I wnt be too negative regarding how bad the world is...:-) I am sooo excited , nervous, tired, frustrated and what not!!! Its like I myself am an emotional kaleidoscope, whew!!! Well folks if I dnt go into labour in the next few days I might come back with more of my thoughts, otherwise adios! and yes I will keep all of u updated on how my D day was...Until then take care guyz, luv u all my dear friends and ya pray for me!!! :-)

Dear Sakshi,
                Life is like an everflowing, undulating river, taking us along with it to destinies etched out for us. At times it seems favourable to us, at other times it seems suffocating yet when we put it all together, it seems it does have a meaningful picture ultimately.
:-) Ook enough philosophy already!!! You tend to become atleast slightly introspective, at times like this. I am sooo full of anticipation these days and I have become more spiritual as well. Do we all tend to feel consoled having faith in the Supreme being, at a time which is most important to us? Well I have immense relief from just the thought that God will take care of me and my lil' one. Faith is a strong medicine in itself, I believe :-) Not many may agree with me, but I speak with the benefit of the experiences I have gone through, which have moulded my faith strongly.
              I do listen to a lot of music. if only to soothe my nerves...:-) mostly ghazals and soft melodies...:-) Sometimes I am soo disturbed with a zillion confusions in my mind, at other times I feel sort of a complete harmony with myself... Its just a matter of days now, and really I can't wait to see my lil' one now...The feeling, I don't know what it is, but it is indeed a special feeling, but I am scared as well, well a teeny weeny bit!!! Now think about it!! How many of us take our dear mom and dad for granted, and when we are about to go through the same journey,u realise the huge responsibility looming in front of us and then we think, " How will we ever repay what our parents have gone through for us." And then we realise our love for our parents in a more special way. So today I thank God for giving me such great parents, who are the very reason I am here now and I just hope I will be half as good them to my kids...:-)

A perfect way to wrap up my 8th month!!!!

Dear Sakshi,
    Aha! seeing the title,don't u get any ideas!!! A perfect way indeed to wrap up my 8th month...sigh! well I was being sarcastic....;-/ I am down with an irritating bout of sinus headache, something which was alien to me until quite recently.Whew!!! God Help!!!

Do I sound desperate?? Well...hmm..I didn't mean to sound like that, but hey my blog is all about my exact feelings per se, so here it is, all out in the open...:-) Those of u poor dears who have actually had to suffer from this dilemma would know what I mean, ahem...:-) But there is one thing for sure, I have suddenly realised the true worth of age old natural remedies. I have been through cold, cough and now sinus headaches, but not once did I have to depend on modern medicine. :-) Thanx to all those remdial natural medicines, which have given me immense relief, the recipes of which I will unfurl according to popular demand ;-) (to put in a pinch of drama or so to say) So folks rite now I have just stopped worrying about, my labour pain, baby naming issues, after labour sleep problems and what not...I am just gonna sit back and enjoy the rest of the ride and take each day as it comes, and when it does come to the labour pain....oh dear! I'll come to that later!!!!

What's in a name...? Apparently a lot!

Dear Sakshi,
    Hope all of u out there are doing fine...:-) My latest update seems to be a totally unwanted dilemma....names, names and more names!!!! Yup I am totally confused about the name we might pick for our lil' angel...Hmmm I knw I have set up a poll right here...but I am getting mixed votes and that confuses me even more. There's hardly a month left and me and vinuz still haven't zeroed in on a name yet...:-) Well like Karen my dear friend told me, I'm not gonna stress myself out...whew!!! I have enough to think about already...Hmm but even then I wonder...Oh well! back to things I am familiar with right now, like lack of sleep, my angel's solid kick boxing and a lot more...The other day my gyn was like surprised my lil' one should be stretching out soo much in my tummy, guess he's running out of space fast...lol! The moment my head hits the pillow he starts punching me like a bean bag!!! Well initially it was really enjoyable, but nowadays it has become more prominent and more insistent...I have a feeling he is going to be just like his dad and mom...lol! Both of us equally, did drive our parents nuts...:-) Ahem! well let's wait and watch for now...Hmm just one month more guyz, pray foe me!!! and hope I come up with the perfect name within the next couple of days....

Goin nuts, preggy mood swings and more.....

Dear Sakshi,

     The best part about being preggy is that ur pampered a looot!!! ;-) Really! That is the fun part, and ya u kinda feel really bad when u are not able to go out and do things u would have usually done otherwise. But one thing I really found nice was the number of people who actually took the effort to come and visit me. In our culture a woman carrying a child is given a lot of respect and love, and is totally pampered by her better half and her family and friends...Lol! But once the lil' one arrives then he is the star of the entire family!!!! The fact that after about 5 to 6 weeks I'll be finally able to see my angel is actually what keeps me going, despite all the variety of discomforts. U know the biggest problem is that half the time u are not sure about the varied pains and aches that attack u and sometimes it sends u into a chasm of panice and fear....but then u finally realise the fact that the said pain was just due to gastric issues...whew!!! u almost sigh with relief...Hmm I wonder if I'll be able to tolerate the pain...that's what I am thinking about these days really...Gosh!!! it is scary, but most of my recent mommy frndz vouch that yes! its gonna hurt a hell lot but it is manageable....Suddenly they all have become matured and experienced and I kinda feel like a kid myself...So many emotions flicker through my mind these days, and I am having a whole lot of dreamz as well...of water, me swimming, crossing roads frantically ( God knows for what!!!) lol! and a whole lot of crazy stuff...:-) Plus these days I do get a tad snappy with my folks...maybe its the wicked hormones!!! The best part is that no matter how grouchy, irritable or totally annoying u get, u can always blame it on the hormones and preggy mood swings...I knw its wicked...but it is during those times I feel as if I am a kid of 4 seriously!!! Maybe it is due to the preggy mood swings...at times I feel really happy and at other times I kinda feel glum...Hmmm anyways I have started counting the days, hours and minutes and hope all of ur prayers are with me. And yes!!! I promise!!! No More Preggy Mood Swings....:-)

To all the insomniacs in this world!!!

Dear Sakshi,

Yawn!!!! zzzz!!! and a couple of yawns later, I am still sleepy!!! whew! my heart goes out to all those who suffer from insomnia, seriously...or maybe insomniacs are probably more tolerant of their sleep issues...:-) But yes! my dear friends, I am positive and do remember to smile...:-) gosh! I am yawning as I write this, serves me right! for under estimating the value of good sleep. Like I said before, probably this is how u are trained for motherhood and for the endless sleepless nights ahead. Now I was just wondering....hmm....can it get any worse? And to that question all my experienced mommy friends,shake their heads and say," U would be a fool to think it wouldn't get any worse." Sigh!

But hey c'mon there is another side to all of this though. The moment u see ur angel smile at u, all ur tiredness, anger and frustration just melts away!!! :-) and this statement is also from the same new mommies!!! That is exactly what makes motherhood beautiful, and I don't think any mom out there would regret the time they have spend with their lil' ones. Years later when u look back at ur life, it is these moments that form the varied pages of ur life's autograph book.

Well back to the world of insomnia, the past week has been soooo tiring, yawn! sorry couldn't help that one! :-) A couple of weeks more and then comes the day I see my baby..Am I excited? YESSS!!! but equally scared as well!!! Well wouldn't u be? Hmmm emotions just seem to ebb freely now, maybe that's part of ur mental make up during ur preggy phase. Now, its not that I don't feel sleepy, its just that I can't seem to utilise that beauty sleep of mine. In that aspect I am different from the insomniacs.And I never for once thought that lack of sleep could intimidate ur life like this. Help!!! Oh well I knw I knw, its not easy, its never gonna be, and I am gonna face all of this with a smile on my face and joy in my heart, even if that smile is broken by a tired yawn!!! So this one is dedicated to all the insomniacs in the world...hope all of u get to sleep soon...:-)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Dear Sakshi,

Wow!!! finally its 2010!!! not that last year wasn't special, but this year its gonna be an eventful year for me...:-) I am in my 8th month now and my lil' one has been kicking away! :-) 2009' wasn't a bad year when u think about it, in fact it was a year which gave me happiness and sorrow alternately, but the joyful moments were more credible, so much so that i don't wanna remember those moments when I did feel sad...:-) So awaiting my angel's arrival with lots of anticipation and excitement...:-) Here's hoping all of u out there have an equally memorable 2010 ahead!!!

I know I haven't been writing regularly in my blog, but hey! I can hardly sit for more than half hour without squirming and an aching back. So I hardly get online, and even if I do, I do so only to check my mails...so that's that folks!

2009 ended on a beautiful note with me getting to meet some of my dear friends whom I hadn't met since I left school. Going back to ur old school is simply a beautiful experience altogether...:-) It felt so reassuring to be back where once we did have loads of fun and cheer. But the only low point was that most of our angelites' couldn't make it. We always called ourselves that, having studied at the Holy Angels' Convent! our school, our Alma mater...It was a beautiful walk down memory lane. Just sitting there chatting up like old times, comparing our life's stories made me realise the value of a great childhood. Its really important and its equally responsible for shaping us as the individuals that we are now. I had a great time and loved every minute of it. Hope next year we will be able to do it in a much larger scale and that next time everyone would be able to make it...:-) Three cheers for all the angelites'!!! :-)

As for my lil' one, he is growing and my stomach has grown too, making it all the more difficult to lie on my sides now. But now that I just have 2 more months to go, I am getting a bit more nervous I must say. But the joy of feeling ur baby move much more strongly now, is equally wonderful. I am cherishing every moment of my life now. :-) Hoping for the very best in 2010 and praying for life's very best for my beloved and my lil' angel. :-)

Achooo...:-$

Dear Sakshi,

The latest news is that I am down with a drastic, irritating, frustrating cold....aargh!!!! Times like these are bestowed upon u by God to primarily test ur patience and conviction to not flip out....Oh dear!!! :-( well its not the cold that bothers me, its just that I can't take my usual medicines, coz u knw...it might hurt my angel...Hmmm well I just have to cope with it!!! Now when the lil' one comes I would have to take care of him disregarding any of my discomforts, no matter how worn out it makes me...well maybe this is how ur trained...I was just scared that I might catch the fever next.....but whew! that didn't happen...coz again a fever at this point of time would definitely hurt my babyyy :-) I really don't mind having to suffer, but I wouldn't want anything to hurt my angel, and that too b'coz of my health condition...I will complete my 7th month this 29th, and then just 2 months more....Gosh!!! these days I just get nervous thinking about the D day....I knw I knw!! everyone keeps telling me not to unnecessarily spook my brain...Ahem easier said than done...! :-/ Right now I just hope everything turns out just fine and I know it will, I have the blessings of all those who love me, which is very special...friends, family, ur beloved and even nature seems to shower their blessings on me...thank u all for being there for me...:-) Love ya!!! :-)

Dear Sakshi,

Gosh!!! its been almost a week na? :-) was a but busy with myself...lol! this past week gave me a lot of pleasant surprises...got to meet some old school time buddies, after quite a long time. Its really amazing to see how all of them have changed over the years,felt sooo happy meeting them all. Life gives u such sweet moments and even if those happen by chance,it seems a blessing and such moments will always make u smile later on in life...:-) The next gr8 event coming up is our school re-union, if it happens as scheduled.It is not yet confirmed, but a lot of us are hoping we'll be able to meet each other and hang out like old times.Its been 6 years now since I met some of my dear friends.All of us have changed, our lives have changed, yet our school memories seem to be hanging on to us. Some of us are married, some of us mothers and some of us are expectant mommies...lol! We had such a gr8 time during our school years..:-)

Well...coming on to our lil' one....I had a fitful week, regarding my beauty sleep....yikes!!! I am usually very energetic during the day, but come sunset and I turn fidgety, uncomfortable and terribly sleepy...Now sleep is not the problem now, I practically fall off to sleep,but then end up waking up coz' its no longer comfy on the bed...:-( Those of u who have gone through this would know...:-) I am in my mid 7th month, and sleeping on my sides is tortuous and irritating. Right now I get up to change sides often during the night and a couple of trips to the loo completes the destructive process of my sleep...lol! I wake up bleary eyed in the mornings and by noon I have this terrible urge to visit the Land of nod...zzzzz...zzzz....:-) Voila! its evening again and mind you, just b'coz I took a snooze doesn't mean I won't feel sleepy for the night...nope! I end feeling just as sleepy and whoa!!! just an hour after I settle into my cosy bed,my bladder alarm goes off...whew!!! guyzzz....I just don't know what to do...:-) and then my mom says with a smile, " If it makes u feel any better dear, I too had to go through all of this once upon a time.Its ur turn now." Its then when it hits me that each and every mom in this world goes through so much to bring their angel into this world, and many a time we never realise that,until when we ourselves go through the same scenario, scene by scene. Well, that's also the beauty of motherhood...:-)

Dear Sakshi,

I kind of feel really guilty about being lazy...:-) sorry guyz I know I should have written sooner...but was feeling a bit low for a couple of days...really tired and worn out for no visible reason, then when I sat down to actually write in my blog, I couldn't access the Internet...:-) Anyways here I am once again trying to gather my thoughts. First of all I must say I am really very happy about the wonderful comments I am getting from my friends...Most of them let me know through mails and sms...but it feels soo good really...I am not trying to make pregnancy sound beautiful, I record my thoughts as I have them. The previous couple of days were tough for me...with regard to sleep...Actually I seem to sleep fairly well, though I have to get up occasionally at least twice or thrice to go to the loo. During pregnancy the urgency to urinate increases manifold and you are supposed to take a lot of fluids.so that keeps u awake. Moreover u are advised to sit up and then change sides while sleeping, so again ur sleep is disrupted. But do u know what I feel...:-) I feel that this is nature's way of tuning u in advance so that u will be prepared to be alert 24/7 once ur lil' one comes...:-) Actually I really don't mind losing sleep that much, but the next day when I try to take a nap,it becomes all the more difficult to sleep...the result being complete exhaustion...Now this doesn't mean u go through this scenario everyday..Occasionally this happens and then u have no control over ur body...Its just amazing, the changes that happen in ur body na? Its no mere process to nurture a life in u, its an art in itself moulded by God Himself...Now that I am in my 7th month my tummy has become bigger and u can eat only very small portions, otherwise it seems suffocating. Its tougher to walk, sit and lie down...:-) but hey I hope I am not making it sound too terrible...Its not! Its difficult for sure but then the thought of being able to see that cute lil' face very soon takes away all that discomfort and makes u feel that every minute of ur pregnancy is worth that very moment...That is the beauty and depth of motherhood...:-)

Dear Sakshi,

Yesterday night it rained heavily here, and the climate has turned really cool and comfy now...:-) Slept comparatively better yesterday, but during the day I had a bad bout of low pressure, was feeling really tired and dizzy...Maybe its because I have started my 7th month...Each time a new phase starts, I can feel my body screaming in protest, trying to adjust to it....after a week or so, it gets better and finally I fall into the rhythm....:-) Today I feel much better, so thought I would pen down some of my thoughts...:-) They say u are not to plan anything in advance for ur baby, coz' in our culture it is seen as a bad omen...I really don't knw why it is said so...but we all go with the general flow...But I keep having dreams about diapering and bathing my lil' one...hmm...mostly i don't get to see his face, just a haze...:-) and usually i end up messing it all up...yikes!!! that is when I wake up and I am like whew! its just a dream...lol! :-)

I listen to a lot of music these days, not just Indian but Western as well....Right now I am listening to to a collection of saxophone melodies titled SAX MOODS....Its a compilation of various artistes like Sondheim, Albert, Presley,G.Weiss and so on...Its my dad actually who is passionate about instrumental music...Saxophone and violins basically, whereas I love the flute as well...:-) Some of my dear friends sent me a variety of music through e-mail and facebook...:-) So my lil' one is getting to hear some fine music these days..:-) Whatever the baby hears now, has a great impact on him later on. I remember my mom telling me that she used to read and read while she was carrying me, and that's probably why I ended up being passionate about English literature...:-) We have a huge collection of books from all time classics to fiction to thrillers to Harry Potter...:-) a sort of mini library...:-) Just looking at them lifts your spirits.I don't know how many of u feel the same way, but a good book with a cup of coffee and some light saxo music in the background is the perfect recipe for relaxation for me...:-)

Friends who are family

Dear Sakshi,

Nov 29th 09' will always remain special in my heart...Many a time we have such warm, special moments in our lives and it is when we add them up, our life seems to have a glow in itself...Last Sunday, a couple of our music buddies met up for a get-together after quite a long time. I remember we were all in school back then and part of a group called Navarathna, a music group. We used to perform classical indian music extensively...but then when we all grew up, each of us became busy with our studies, our future and what not. Though the group was not officially dismantled, we all just hung in there, by then all our families had become really close and our friendship too hung in there...lol!!! :-)

This sunday after a very long time we were able to come together, and believe it or not, all of us had changed...most of them were in college now, some working, others married and moi' was preggy...:-) We were all soo happy to see each other,simply ecstatic and I for one enjoyed every minute of it, though later on I had to pay dearly for it. :-) I was so washed out that I stayed awake most of the night..as a result!!! the next day was equally tiresome...But that's ok it was worth it all...:-) My friends were excited to see my tummy which had grown to humungous proportions and I was telling my lil' one, see how many aunts and uncles are waiting for u to come... and there came his answering kicks...Its as if he understands every single word I say...I was telling that the other day to my hubby and he was like, most babies are receptive to all languages and it is after the 1st 2 weeks that they fall into the rhythm of one particular language...fascinating isn't it? My 26th week has started and I was checking with www.babycenter.com my favourite site, for details. The site has been really helpful for me, and there seems to be so much to learn and understand... Its as if motherhood is a university in itself. Well our mothers never had such an opportunity to learn and fathom...but weren't they excellent moms!!! :-) Well this week my baby's hearing will continue to develop, and he will be able to understand all the bubbly chatter around...:-) Well today, this moment is dedicated to all those lovely friends of Navarathna, and I hope no matter how many years pass on,we'll still be able to meet up once in a while...to remember all those wonderful times we have had as a group, as a family...:-)

Dear Sakshi,

Sometimes it is difficult to imagine that I am going to be a mother....knowing its a huge responsibility probably scares me a bit, but then I remember my mom saying that she was scared to even hold her baby,who was soo tiny and fragile...and she always used to fret about whether I had enough to eat, or why I cry at times.....that is soo true isn't it..? We as adults at times do wish to be a child again...lol! but for a baby, he is so vulnerable and helpless in his early years...I keep asking my mom, how do u know if ur baby is sick and what is bothering him, I am always full of doubts...worried whether I'll be as good a mother as my mom. My mom then tells me that a mother always knows....its called a mother's instinct and told me to go by it always...a mother always know when her baby needs something, or when he is in trouble, or when he feels sleepy or irritable...Such is the bond between a mother and her child....and that is why no matter how old u become or how sick u are, the consolation a mother can give u is irreplacable...U can never find a substitute for ur mother, can you...? :-)

Nowadays I can feel when my lil' one wakes up, when he moves around the most,when he is calm....It is a very special feeling guyz...I will never be able to explain it in so many words...ever.....At times its as if my baby knows how I feel, sometimes when he kicks me like a boxer does..lol! :-) I try to soothe him down simply by placing my hand on my belly, or by singing a tune....It works wonders!!!! u know? :-) Sometimes when I feel depressed or overly tired, his soft kicks are enough to lift my spirits...and when I touch my belly and feel his lil' legs pushing against me, I feel so warm and special, feel so loved...:-)

Being so far away from ur beloved hubby, u feel as if this lil' life connects u to him...We chat online and use the webcam as well...at times he whistles for the lil' one and believe it or not, he gives a tremendous kick then, to let me know that he knows his dad is whistling...He is most responsive to music and then to Vinu's whistling...:-) I can't wait for that big moment when I will finally hold my bundle of joy in my arms, close to my heart and close to my dear hubby...:-) Thank u God for this wonderful gift u have bestowed upon me and my family....I realise that its God's love in me and therfore it is up to me to take care of that love in me forever....:-)