Dear Sakshi,

Sometimes it is difficult to imagine that I am going to be a mother....knowing its a huge responsibility probably scares me a bit, but then I remember my mom saying that she was scared to even hold her baby,who was soo tiny and fragile...and she always used to fret about whether I had enough to eat, or why I cry at times.....that is soo true isn't it..? We as adults at times do wish to be a child again...lol! but for a baby, he is so vulnerable and helpless in his early years...I keep asking my mom, how do u know if ur baby is sick and what is bothering him, I am always full of doubts...worried whether I'll be as good a mother as my mom. My mom then tells me that a mother always knows....its called a mother's instinct and told me to go by it always...a mother always know when her baby needs something, or when he is in trouble, or when he feels sleepy or irritable...Such is the bond between a mother and her child....and that is why no matter how old u become or how sick u are, the consolation a mother can give u is irreplacable...U can never find a substitute for ur mother, can you...? :-)

Nowadays I can feel when my lil' one wakes up, when he moves around the most,when he is calm....It is a very special feeling guyz...I will never be able to explain it in so many words...ever.....At times its as if my baby knows how I feel, sometimes when he kicks me like a boxer does..lol! :-) I try to soothe him down simply by placing my hand on my belly, or by singing a tune....It works wonders!!!! u know? :-) Sometimes when I feel depressed or overly tired, his soft kicks are enough to lift my spirits...and when I touch my belly and feel his lil' legs pushing against me, I feel so warm and special, feel so loved...:-)

Being so far away from ur beloved hubby, u feel as if this lil' life connects u to him...We chat online and use the webcam as well...at times he whistles for the lil' one and believe it or not, he gives a tremendous kick then, to let me know that he knows his dad is whistling...He is most responsive to music and then to Vinu's whistling...:-) I can't wait for that big moment when I will finally hold my bundle of joy in my arms, close to my heart and close to my dear hubby...:-) Thank u God for this wonderful gift u have bestowed upon me and my family....I realise that its God's love in me and therfore it is up to me to take care of that love in me forever....:-)

My dear friends.....

Dear Sakshi,

The past 2 days had been unusually tiring, but not too bad....These days I have such funny dreams...lol!!! yesterday I dreamt that I forgot to change my baby's diapers, and he was crying totally out of control!!!...and then I dreamt I had twins!!! Gosh ! the dreams I have...impossible...:-)

The other day I talked to my dear friend from school, it had been soo long since I talked with her,my dearest friend Reshu...Friends from school have stayed with my life throughout....sure we are all scattered here and there,in India and abroad...but we have stayed close in each other's memories...The bond of friendship we hold is very special to all of us...:-) be it through orkut, or facebook, or just mails....Most of us are married, some have already moved on to motherhood, and some are still paving success in their careers, waiting for that right person to come along. How our lives have changed....yet our friendship remain the same...and that is the most special treasure in our lives...:-) Most of my friends loved my blog and were really encouraging, thank u guyz....all of u...:-) I will complete my 6th month this 29th, and move on to my third trimester...around 3 1/2 months more for the big day...:-) I hope all of u will pray for me and my lil' angel...and today I dedicate this post to all my dear dear friends, every single one of them, who have made my life special in a lot of ways...:-)

Sleep,sleep, where art thou?

Dear Sakshi,

Sleep has become like a faraway land hard to find and once found easy to lose...:-) but I am slowly getting used to it all...Initially I didnt have a sleep problem, but recently I am finding it hard to find a comfy position in bed...So many changes in ur body, mostly ones that surprise u...Imagine a whole new life sprouting in u, forming shape and beginning a life cycle that is entwined with ours for eternity...well kids, when they grow up are not gonna feel such depth to their journey, except when they themselves become parents....I am feeling that depth now, of love and harmony and most of all a new more important responsibility. The first time I felt my baby's shove or kick...it was the most amazing feeling a mother could ever have....And now I have begun to understand when my baby kicks most, when he is calm inside my womb,when he responds to me singing to him, ( i am guessing its a boy)....;-) and so on....I sing to the lil' one nowadays and can feel that he understands my voice....and then I soo want to see him, feel him and carry him in my arms....but for that I have to wait for yet another 104 dayz....:-) Till then I'll have to be satisfied with his antics inside me....:-) Hope God bless every woman with the joy of motherhood, and every mother who has tended to her young,which to me seems to be the ultimate gift of God...:-)

Dear Sakshi,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_DJmF9Cqf0&feature=related

Today seems to be a dull day, the sky overcast with shadows of impending thunder and rain....Sooo where were we...yes of course! :-) after the initial happiness, came the nausea,tiredness and what not...I was like completely thrown off!!! whew!!! the first 3 months were really difficult...and then came a moment when all seemed to be lost....followed by complete bed rest, confined within myself. to protect my lil' one....The whole experience was pure torture, but then when it is for ur lil' one , I guess u tend to overlook all those discomforts....It wasn't easy though...4 months of nerve breaking rest...Now that was exactly when I realised how horrible it was to be confined to the bed...U know u always seem to want to take a break, some well deserved rest, but even that can suffocate you....:-) Finally brighter days did emerge...But this period as every other phase in life taught me an important lesson! To appreciate life as u have it, u never realise how precious every minute of our life and the people in it are to us...Vinu my dear dear hubby was a pillar of support, doing every possible thing to help me through, supporting me taking care of me, as if I were a baby myself...lol!!!

It was trying for him also, what with his professional demands and family demands, he was literally torn apart...When my mom came down, it was a huge relief...the main highlight being her cooking!!!! Gosh how completely selfish of me na? But hey c'mon who doesn't love their mom's cooking...:-) It was during that time I realised that despite having all the years of experience my mom was completely tensed about me...:-) But Vinu....yes it is true that it is life's circumstances that draw u closer to ur loved one, I was beginning to see my husband in a completely new light, and then I felt special to be carrying his baby, his life in me....which has strengthened our bond even more, binding it with love, commitment and understanding....I dedicate this moment to my better half...:-)